New England winters (winter in general) are long and depressing! Depression rates across the country increases during this season. It is cold, most of the northern parts of the world are covered in snow, and do to being covered in hats and jackets we are not exposed to much sunlight. We also have to deal with holiday like Christmas, and St, Valentine's Day that focus gift giving, love, and family togetherness. Yes, winter is a very depressing season! But, when parents go through a divorce the children are often forgotten.
I remember when my parents got divorce it very hard! Not only did my father leave my mother but I watched him leave the house with a pickup truck loaded with all his belongings. My sister, and myself, were subjected to weekend visits, split holidays, and our father's remarriage. We also had to make choices on which parent we wanted to live with. Then came to having to deal with a step-family where we never felt like we belonged. This is what many children generally experience when parents go through a divorce (but keep in mind every divorce is different). We as parents often get caught up with the lawyers, property disputes, the child custody, and child support battles that we fail to even think about how the whole series of events are affecting our children!
When I found out about my daughter's depression she had already began to act out. She was not being heard from the family that she staying with and needed therapy. When I found out about the acting out I felt like a complete and utter failure. My daughter also needed me to hear her and be there for her. That means giving up a high paying job and restructuring my social life. It is easy for us to over look our children in the scope of our divorce.
Our children also have stress from school! I wish I can say that with todays technology that our kids have it easier, but they don't! Teen peers are the worst bullies. When I was in school when I needed to avoid a person all I had to do was walk the other way, or go down another street. School was tough because I had classes with some of my tormentors. But at least at the end of the day I went home and was free for their torment. Today, we have the internet and have a thousand different ways to communicate with people. Our children now face "Cyber Bulling" and often times we don't know about it until it is too late. It seems like we are always hearing about some poor child being bullied at school, and through social media, who couldn't take it and takes things into their own hands. Letting our kids now that they are safe is important, and keeping them safe, is important. But, the question is "How?".
I believe that the right "privacy" doe not apply to our children! My children have been told many times no to give me a reason to search their rooms or go through their electronic devices. My daughter goes to therapy regularly whether she likes it or not. We are our children's first line or defense. Something we need to remember is "It is better for our children to hate us now and live a happy life than to be their friend and find them dead!"
2 Corinthians 12:14
"For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children."
